He who has the last laugh

Written by Dan Brown

I think about weird stuff like Cool Ranch Doritos, iPods, Ashton Kutcher and black fingernail polish a lot. It’s my job to think about these things because they affect consumer behavior and ultimately business strategy. Actually, it’s more than my job. Pop culture has been my passion since I was little. I’ve always been fascinated by trends — fashion, art, music, media, spirituality, architecture, toys and gadgets. Each of these represents an individual brush stroke in the painting of time. Understanding them is integral to understanding ourselves, the people around us, and our world.

Mostly though, they are just funny as heck. If you can’t laugh at the thought of wearing a powder blue polyester leisure suit and getting ready for a night on the town by dowsing yourself in Hai Karate, playing air guitar to the sounds of Foghat, and watering your Chia pet with bong water, then your sense of humor is as long lost as Paris Hilton’s innocence.

I think it’s fine if we, as boomers, laugh at ourselves. Trouble is, the pop culture trend I’ve been noticing is that YOUNG people are laughing at us. Our children are watching television shows like VH1’s “I Love the ’70s” (Parts 1-45) and they aren’t doing it to get a better understanding of American history. They’re watching because they think it’s funny. As a matter of fact, the shows are punctuated by Gen-Y comedians pointing out the ridiculousness of white people with afros, cars like the AMC Gremlin and disco music.

What’s up with that? We never did that to our parents.

Actually, I loved (note tense) these shows. I watched them all the time and laughed until I cried. That is until I realized that I was not a member of their target audience. I was the target of their humor. Now I don’t watch them anymore; I have moved on to a retaliatory state. I’m using the experience and wisdom of age to outwit the nitwits.

These days I spend my time noting things about young people that I will use to taunt them a few short years from now when they want something from me — like a job.

In the interview, I will ask questions like: “Were you one of those young men who wore their pants so low that you had to pull them UP to take a leak?” or “Excuse me miss, but how long did it take for those eyebrow, lip and nose piercings to heal?”

I might inquire as to how many words per minute they can text. I might ask if it would bother them to wear their company’s softball team cap with the bill pointed forward. I might ask if the dress shoes on their feet hurt their fallen arches after so many years of year-round flip flop wearing. I might ask them if the name on the credit card in their purse is theirs — or their mother’s. I might hand them my company’s mission statement and ask them to “rap” it to me.

I might just mention that company policy does not allow Britney Spears or PDiddy screen savers or barbed wire tattoos — and that Red Bull is not available in any of the vending machines so they will have to stay awake unaided. Then I might ask them just where they think they get off laughing at their elders and tell them that the only way they can get the job is to sing the Oscar Mayer bologna song.

If they don’t break down on the spot, or better yet if they ask my forgiveness for any offense they had ever caused me,
real or imagined, I’ll hire ’em.

--Dan Brown is the director of innovation and audience development at the Iowa City Press-Citizen, a musician, Iowa City native, father of two young girls and a swinger of birches. Reach him by sending an e-mail to dbrown@press-citizen.com.